semi charmed life?

I’ve been a blogger for over 10 years. Obviously, not always on the same blog. Personal blogs, come and go as the chapters in our lives start and end. I’ve had work blogs that only had to do with writing about my job. I’ve had personal diaries. I’ve had relationship blogs. All have come and gone with the fluctuations in my life.

When I started this particular blog, it was at a time when I needed to focus on more positive things. I was closing a chapter in my life and needed to focus on things that brought me happiness. This blog was intended to highlight the somewhat charmed life I lead. It was intended to journal my travels and share my thoughts on animals, since that is my career and passion.

I look at my blog today and it’s not exactly doing that. There has been some surprising additions, in that I’ve been documenting my cooking adventures since I’ve changed from being unable to cook, to tackling new and exciting recipes. There was a month where I took on an A to Z Challenge and did write quite about animals and animal behavior management.

Behind the scenes, I’ve had lots of traveling and have visited some fantastic places. Behind the scenes, I have also been miserable. The last few weeks have been completely dreadful, soul sucking and dark. Sure, I have somewhat of a charmed life. I live in the middle of Europe, I’m a housewife with no children, I get to travel from time to time, and I get to enjoy nature daily with my dog. Not everything is cupcakes and rainbows though.

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from the outside looking in

Outside_Looking_in_by_M_photographyOr in my case, from the inside looking out.

Today, as I stood in my home, I had a view of the neighborhood. Lots of parents were out blowing up balloons in front of one of the houses, while the children ran around. I couldn’t help but feel, that will never be me. I have chosen to never have children. There just isn’t a motherly instinct towards primates at all within me. I’m different that way and because of that, I will never fit in with most people. It’s slowly putting distance between my friends and I, as they begin having children and creating a family. I have very little in common with them now, as their interests are naturally more towards parenting and less about other things in life. When I want to go out on the town, they have children to tend. When I want to go out for a group social, the children need to come too. So, as I look at all my neighbors, they all have one thing in common that I do not, children. I will never be part of that group.

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