In June, I’ll get to go home and visit Southern California. I’m super excited that I’ll get to spend my birthday there. However, before I get to enjoy the sunshine on my face, the fresh ocean breeze, the tall palm trees, and the company of friends and family, I get to spend 3 days with my sister in law and her new baby in Minnesota.
I get along just fine with my sister in law. She’s a funny and kind person with a TON of personality. But she and I are different people. She’s loud, an extrovert, chaotic, and has a need to make everyone her friend. I’m an introvert, quiet, organized, and I don’t care to make everyone my friend. On top of all that, she’s recently had a baby who will be 4 months old when I see him.
The problem? I don’t like babies. I’m just not a baby person and I realize that makes me different than most women in this world. I have no interest to have a child of my own. I seriously think the mommy gene skipped my species and went to all of the other members of the animal kingdom. I go crazy for all the other baby animals and I love having animals in my life, but my own child, no thanks. I don’t think babies are cute and adorable, or rather, I’m indifferent to them. I view them more as crying and demanding beings. The picture I’ve posted at the top of this post doesn’t make me go “aw a baby!” Put a picture of a piglet there instead, and I’ll squee.
I suppose I can admit that I am a selfish person. I like the freedoms I get to enjoy because I don’t have children. I like being able to take off on a traveling holiday at a moments notice. I like that I can go out for a romantic dinner for two and not have to make arrangements. I like being able to sleep in on the weekends. I like being able to be lazy in the afternoon if I want to be. I like that if I’m sick, I can spend the day in bed and not have to suck it up and take care of the kids.
Perhaps, this makes me a selfish person, or perhaps this makes me an educated adult that simply recognizes the responsibility of having children and has decided it’s not for me. Deep down though, there is one truth, I just don’t have a natural force within me screaming to have a baby. I wouldn’t say I lack a maternal instinct, because I very much have one when taking care of animals and my own dog. I just don’t have a maternal instinct with human babies.
Of course I think about my not having children all the time. Firstly, I am my mother’s only child and I think it has disappointed her that I won’t be giving her any grand children. But, that’s not a good enough reason to have children of my own. I have thought about the fact, that I could very well die a lonely woman. Let’s face it, as we age, we can usually rely on our children to be there (not saying that’s the case for all). Our spouses come and go, but are children are there for us. Should my husband pass before me, I won’t have children to be there for me as I age. I won’t have children to care for me. It’s kind of sad and scary to think about, but again, not a good enough reason to have children. Then there’s the fact that society wouldn’t pressure me so much if I were a stay at home mom and not simply a housewife. It’s not looked down on as severely when a parent chooses to stay home for the children, but someone who simply stays home while their spouse goes off to work, is often looked down on and said to live a “kept life”.
I’m dreading the 3 days I have to spend with my sister in law and her baby. Mostly because I won’t want to do anything with the baby. I don’t want to watch him, I don’t want to change him, I don’t want to feed him and, no, I don’t want to hold him. My sister in law will take this personally and knowing the type of person she is, she will try to push the issue. She will try to get me to change my mind about babies. She will insist I have to hold him. I’m hoping that our three day visit will not be as bad as I picture it.
Maybe I will change my mind about babies? Eehhhh… let’s not keep our hopes up.
© Semi-Charmed Life